How to be the BEST birth partner!
Being a birth partner is kind of a big deal isn’t it - especially if you are the other parent, being there to witness your new baby entering into the world can be a truly magical experience. Birth partners can come in all shapes and sizes - the most common being dad or the other parent but also other family members, grandparents, aunties, friends, a Doula or it could be any combination of the above.
You will see lots of ‘top tips’ on how to be a great birth partner, and a lot of them will focus on practical things you can do to help (which are of course important), or things like cutting the cord or revealing the gender (all lovely). However so often I hear birth partners saying they felt like a bit of a spare part at the birth and whilst they were delighted to meet the new arrival, they didn’t really feel they played a significant role in the process as such. Not only is this not helpful to the person giving birth but it can also feel very disempowering. I don’t want either of you to feel this way - we know that where women feel fully supported by their birth partner they generally feel much more positive about the overall experience so empowering you as a birth partner benefits everyone.
One of the biggest reasons I see behind this feeling of disempowerment is a lack of real preparation and understanding about the birth process as well as the fundamental wants and needs of the person giving birth. I see women really putting the work in to prepare for birth, only for their partners not to be engaged, essentially just turning up on the day and hoping for the best. This has the potential to really derail the birth.
I also often find birth partners are reluctant or apprehensive about doing any sot of birth preparation, which I do understand to an extend as it can be daunting. I would go as far to say this is the biggest barrier to my working with couples, that reluctance from the birth partner to engage or book onto a course in the first place. Interestingly, when birth partners do come along and get involved (read: are reluctantly dragged along) often they are the ones who have the real lightbulb moments and actually gain the most from the sessions. Not going to lie, most of them also fall asleep when we come to the hypnosis part of the session, in fact I might have a 100% record on that one, maybe I should use that as a selling point!
I have had some amazing birth partners along to my sessions and I can see how much it can help once they engage and commit to fully supporting their partners, here is what one birth partner said:
Having attended the full day course I was surprised how informative I found it and could see why my wife was so keen to utilise the techniques. I even dozed off during one of the relaxations. For the birth I was surprised how different it was from our first and how hard the contractions hit, but she coped and breathed through and really noticed a difference when using the breathing techniques - less panicked and more controlled.
She was strong and stood her ground. When the pain and tiredenss took over and the medical team started to try and intervene I could see she was losing strength so I asked questions for her, knowing what we had discussed and what she wanted.
That last line for me is everything - without having done that preparation alongside his wife, it simply would not have been possible for my client to advocate for her in this way.
Childbirth is a fundamental right of passage for a woman and to be invited into that birth space and allowed to witness new life enter this world should be seen as an enormous privilege. And with that privilege there must come responsibility. It is not enough to just turn up on the day and hope for the best, your role is integral to the process and how the person giving birth feels about the experience.
Here are some of my ‘top tips’ on how to be the best birth partner:
Listen to what she wants and needs, what is important to her for this birth and how she feels about it
Learn about birth and how it works, as well as the things that might disrupt the birth process
Acknowledge any fears you may have about the birth, consider where these come from and how they can be addressed
Understand how to navigate the maternity system including interventions your partner might be offered, ask questions
Plan together so that you understand your partner’s intentions, needs and boundaries for pregnancy and birth (and beyond)
Protect the birth space, you are there to advocate for your partner at their most vulnerable, think of yourself as the gatekeeper
If you want to know more about how to be the best birth partner why not join me for my FREE Masterclass happening on Thursday 7 September 8pm (online) where we will explore this topic further.