It takes a village: the importance of a support network
What does your support network look like? Why this is so important for pregnancy, birth and especially for motherhood.
I came across this photo yesterday, from two years ago.
The picture is of myself and my best friend Sarah who I’ve been friends with since the age of three, so 35 years in total - I’m pregnant with my third baby (of four) and Sarah is pregnant with her first. I wanted to organise a little get together (a baby shower but not a baby shower) for Sarah, to surround her with friends and family and let her know how special and loved she is. I think that’s something that’s so important in pregnancy, its such an exciting time but also I feel such a fragile and emotional time too. Anyway, the pandemic scuppered those plans and what should have been a small (but larger) gathering of friends had to be cancelled last minute due to another lockdown. What we were able to do was have a meal together in a local restaurant - there were four of us: Sarah and I, our other dear friend Lara and Sarah’s beautiful mum Ann. We did have to sit at two separate tables since we were technically only allowed to meet one other person indoors at this point. Never mind, we managed to make it special anyway for our very special person. We had also arranged for all the other ladies who should have been there to get a book for the baby and write a nice little message inside, something which will be treasured for years to come I’m sure! A wee funny story about that balloon in the picture, as we left the restaurant it was very windy and Ann managed to let go of the balloon - now this wasn’t a cheap wee balloon and all I could do was watch it float off into the sky, oh well at least we got to enjoy it for a wee while (and snap a pic).
It was so lovely sharing my pregnancy with my best friend - being pregnant in lockdown was a whole different experience but we were able to support each other through it all. We both practiced hypnobirthing techniques in our pregnancies after doing (separate) antenatal hypnobirthing classes. And we both went on to have amazing (albeit completely different) positive births and in the end our babies who were due three weeks apart were born in the same week: my little girl Aila on the Tuesday and Sarah’s little boy George on the Friday. They genuinely are the best of friends and love each other so much, I honestly feel like my heart could explode sometimes seeing them together. They’re also very much partners in crime, so don’t let the cuteness fool you. The support we were able to give each other in the early days was priceless, from breastfeeding chats to setting up our own little baby sensory sessions for two since nowhere was opening back up yet. What would we have done without each other?
I’ve actually been very fortunate in all of my pregnancies to have such great support around me in the form of friends, family and people I’ve met through different groups. When I had my first baby in 2013 there were six babies born in the same year in my close friendship group. When I had my second one of my close friends had her baby two days after mine. And my third I’ve told you about already. To be fair by my fourth I think they all thought I was mad and none of them decided to join me, but I did find support in other ways. Being able to talk to others facing similar issues and going through similar things has been an absolute lifeline. We were all friends before we had our babies but I think having that in common has really solidified those friendships and our babies have plenty of bonus aunties to call upon if needed. And its not just in the baby stages either, we have relied on support from each other throughout their little lives and bounce things off each other constantly. They’ve grown together and so have we! And we all know the importance of a night out to let your hair down from time to time too of course. Or how important it is to do things for yourself too - we are each others biggest cheerleaders. Now that doesn’t mean we are all the same, actually people often ask us how we all became friends since we are all so different. We all have different birth experiences, feeding preferences, family setups, parenting styles, careers and lifestyles but we can listen and empathise and offer support to one another regardless. I said it earlier when talking about Sarah and I sharing our pregnancies but again - what would we have done without each other?
There are many other places I’ve sought support from in my pregnancies, births and motherhood in general - my family, especially ‘auntie Lainey’, my own amazing hypnobirthing teacher, my November 2013 ‘mum to be’ facebook group which is still going strong (even if much quieter these days), lactation consultants, baby groups, online forums and so on.
The point is, there is a whole network of people who have supported me in my journey - my village! The saying is so true ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ but it also takes a village to support a mother to raise her child. Or in my case children. Now my village won’t look the same as yours and we all interact with other people in different ways, but it is so important to have a support network whatever that looks like for you.
Another great way to find support is through antenatal classes, such as my hypnobirthing group workshops. Research suggests that friendships made at antenatal classes are not only unique but also support women’s mental health and enhance self-efficacy because the women give and gain reassurance.
My dream is to become part of the village for my clients - by providing support in their pregnancies and for their births as a hypnobirthing teacher; and in the postpartum period through mindful breastfeeding, birth debrief and mindful baby offerings. To give them knowledge and tools that will not only benefit them in birth but way beyond that. But not only that, I want to also build community and help them find the other pieces of their village - whether that be through meeting others in my group settings; setting up supportive WhatsApp groups to keep in touch; or signposting to other local services and networks. Anything I can do to help build that support network for people I will try my best to facilitate.
To my village - thank you, all of you have allowed me to be the mother I am just by being there!
To my future clients - thank you for allowing me to be a part of your village!